Motherhood

Some days are rough and some I am grateful for the little gremlin that looks at me with awe and amazement as if trying to decipher a secret code or memorizing my every word and movement to imitate later in life. It's quite a responsibility that if I think about too much (which I do sometimes) I overanalyze what I do and who I am so that I can be the best that I can be in front of him. I do think that having a child has forced me to view life in a completely new perspective.

He is living with exuberance, taking advantage of every present moment. Not really thinking about the past or the future, but just the present moment (therefore not sure how the potty-training will every work). He listens and speaks loudly if he wants or quiet if he wants, he has his own agenda and pretty much does what he wants. He doesn't analyze his self, or even his self in relation to others. There is this innocence which is completely admirable about it, yet naive. He will learn from not only me and Papa and his relatives, but from the world. I hope that he looks at the world and the people within it in a light that furthers his happiness and zest for living. Isn't this what most parents want for their children.

I think the part that I think is so great about having a child are the people around us that are helping raise him. As a living parent, I truly believe in "it takes a village". I think perhaps in a previous life I lived in an African village where everyone DID take care of a child. We kinda' have a westernized sort of version of that going for Noah right now. Grandma, Nana, Ms. Dallas, and Ms. Jennifer, Papa and Mama. That's 6 people looking after this little ball of energy...all of whom love him and grace him with their love. We're lucky that he has this in his life and I don't know if it would be better for him to get the same ONE person in his life all the time. There's something to say about having this variety. At least you get the best face of each person before he drives you crazy and the face starts changing. Ya' know?

In that same vein motherhood is hard sometimes, just like anything can be. Today, because I'm a bit under the weather, and my energy cannot match his and it makes me a bit less patient and annoyed, but I remember not too long ago when the tables were turned and he was under the weather, I almost broke down in tears when he would just out of the blue hug me in the middle of playing sea creatures on my bed and say in a loving voice and a smile "Mama". Does everyone completely melt and love their children the way that I do mine? Can I love other children this way too? Everyone experiences it and everyone seeks it, happiness, so yes, it exists.

To understand a mother's love, bear your own children. - Chinese Proverb