Life and Death

Wow. I know that my titles seem kinda' heavy, but this is a heavy topic for sure and one of which my journey is all about. It's about life and the incredible journey that I've been through and continue to travel as my life continues, but also the life that I see within others. It's amazing though again as we all will inevitably encounter the end of life at some point how no one really believes that life will end for someone at an early age. We all assume and believe that old age is when life ends and even in old age, I don't really grasp the concept all that well. Perhaps because no one really close to me has died. I've had friends friends die, friends relatives die, even my grandparent's have all passed, but I didn't know them that well.

It shouldn't take that much for me to have compassion for those that have experienced death...I realize that it is extremely painful to just not have that person just around when one is used to that. I couldn't even imagine what my life would be like without Brian for example, or Noah. It's hard to even think about it.

Well, the reason this comes up is obvious. Dear Quent has taken his life. That also, to me just boggles my mind. And although I know that I have been at low points in my life, such that I've momentarily contemplated the point of life in a very depressing way, I've never even considered really doing anything about it. I can't believe that almost a few weeks before his 31st birthday he decided to take his life, or even that he even did it. Tiffany is having a hard time getting through it because she was pretty close to Quent. He lived with her and Ben for over a year.

It just makes me angry and incredibly sad to think of what a hard time he must've been going through in order to get to this place of actually taking action. It's amazing to me how there may be many people in my midst that may be experiencing these same thoughts and feelings that he had. Life, although difficult and full of suffering, is still something that to me I cherish and will hopefully always have the will to continue working through. I'm not sure that I could ever take that away, but rather allow for it to be taken when the time comes.

May dear Quent rest in peace and may his soul be in a place of less suffering than what he endured while in our world.

Dancing: Samba

I've always had an intense enjoyment and love for dancing. Mostly just the movement of my body in a rhythm that is mine. Free, flowing, moving and creating heat within. Megan has been kind enough to introduce me to this Samba troupe, which I'm a bit apprehensive about. If I look at my feelings about my experiences from week to week, I see that although I attain that heat and intense enjoyment, there is a time during the practice sessions where I experience anxiety. Samba is not easy. The ladies leading the group are very technical and demanding. I say this because after a session of fun booty-shaking, the leader says, "Ok ladies, I've hand-held you long enough, you need to be stepping it up next practice." And not with a smile or "GOOD JOB" but with a serious tone and nature. And that was it. In thinking about it I realize that perhaps not only was I not going to feel that connectiong to dancing when the expectation is a bit higher for skills that I truly have to accept that I may not have or may not be interested in pursuing to the degree that is needed for the troupe. So I will continue participating until it stops being enjoyable. I assume that I am the one that makes the decision of whether or not something is enjoyable, right? But I must come to the conclusion at some point that perhaps what the troupe needs is not me. ?? I'll try a few more sessions and make an informed decision.